Prompt – You call in and get tech support. Write about your conversation.
“Hello this is Darryl, customer support specialist, IT division, how may I help you?”
“Uh yeah, I got a problem with your robot. It’s gone berserk.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that you have a problem sir. Are you calling from your cell phone, sir?”
“Yes, and you guys have really screwed up. I think the robot wants to kill me.”
“Again, I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.”
“INCONVENIENCE! Did you not hear me tell you that it wants to KILL ME!”
“Yes sir, I heard that you have a problem with the unit we sold you. By our records, it shows that you bought the G1000 model with the maid function enabled. We have never had a problem with that mod before.”
“Well, the damn thing is pacing outside of my bathroom. I’m trapped here.”
“Yes sir, I can see where that would be a problem. Let me just run a quick remote diagnostic so we can find out what the exact problem is with your G1000. Hmmm, sir, I have to ask. Did you by chance open the G1000’s maintenance panel?”
“Wait, what? Umm, I…I…I… no, I did not open the panel.”
“Sir, I don’t know if you were aware, but there is a safety signal that gets sent out when the panel is opened and I see by the records that 2 hours and 13 minutes ago the signal was sent. So I apologize, but I must ask again, did you open the maintenance panel?”
“Umm, well… maybe.”
“I understand sir. It’s only natural to be curious. However it looks like one of the modules was activated. Here at Galaxy Robotics we understand if the panel is opened, but by activating a module without a certified technician present means that your warrantee has been voided.”
“Hey, I don’t care about no warrantee! I just want this damn thing fixed or I’m going to sue you guys into oblivion.”
“I understand sir, completely. May I ask which module you were attempting to activate? It’s for our records and also for us to troubleshoot the problem.”
“Well, I’m kind of embarrassed about this, but I wanted the Girlfriend experience.”
“You do know that there is an upcharge for the Girlfriend experience, sir?”
“Yes, yes, I know, but the charge is outrageously expensive. I couldn’t afford it.”
“Unfortunately you did not activate the basic Girlfriend experience, but an advance module Girlfriend experience. The one you activated is the G1000-666 Jealous BDSM Girlfriend experience. This means you are going to have to rough up the robot pretty severely to make it behave.”
“WHAT? Are you kidding me?”
“Sir, the G1000 is configurable in over 2000 modules. It’s very easy to activate an adverse module by accident. This is why your contract states very clearly that under no circumstances is the maintenance panel and modules to be altered in any way, shape or form. Adverse consequences like legal action and other consequences may be applied.”
“Oh.”
“Sir, are you prepared to go out and hit the robot, tie it down and have your way with it?”
“Uhh, I don’t think I can do that. Are you nuts?”
“Sir, I’m have to inform you that the G1000-666 module will think you are cheating on it unless you regularly rough it up, so to say.”
“Wow, I just wanted a normal girlfriend experience, I was so lonely. I can’t do what you are asking me to do.”
“In that case, sir, I’m forced to escalate this call. Please hold.”
“Wait! Damn hold music.”
Nervously I waited. The stomps of the robot pacing outside my door ratcheted up my anxiety. Suddenly I heard a crackle and a loud thump. The pacing had stopped. I held my breath involuntarily.
Tap, tap, tap. “Sir, it’s safe to come out now. We are with Galaxy Robotics and have disabled the malfunctioning unit.”
I opened the door and saw two men dressed in white bio-hazard suits. One of them pointed what looked like a strange gun at me. I raised my hands hesitantly.
“What is that? Why are you pointing it at me?” I demanded.
“Sir, no need to be alarmed, this is a taser gun that my colleague is holding and….”
ZZZAAAPPP!
“Dammit Jim, why don’t you ever let me finish explaining before you zap these guys.”
“Stu, you know as well as I do, it is better to get it over with quicker rather than drag it out. Go ahead and do the injection.”
Stu leaned over and pulled the my shoe off and injected me between my toes.
“Sorry sir, this is a paralytic shot. Shortly you will be completely paralyzed. Galaxy Robotics is very adverse to bad publicity and as you were told by tech support, there will be consequences to voiding the warrantee.”
Jim rolled his eyes, “Really, why do you always have to do the speech? It’s not like they can respond to it.”
“Jim, it’s protocol”
“Okay, okay. Let’s finish up this job. I need a cold beer. Finish your speech while I go get things ready.”
Stu turned back to me, “Sir, unfortunately you are going to also be experiencing a natural gas leak in your house. Within the next thirty minutes, there will be an explosion. I’m sorry to say you won’t survive it. The injection I gave you will let you experience this event with little to no pain.”
Stu turned away and then paused, “Have a happy day and thanks for being a Galaxy Robotics Customer.”
Want to be part of the Weekly Writing Challenge? Using the prompt above, write your story and publish it with a link to this story. Make sure you tag it either md-wwc or #md-wwc
Writing with Cancer 