BANG BANG BANG
What the hell? I rolled over and checked my clock on the nightstand. 1:52 am with someone banging on my door is not a good sign. I jumped up and threw on my robe and headed for the front door.
BANG BANG BANG
What? Someone’s banging on my backdoor? I flipped on the lights in the kitchen and saw a wildly disheveled man through the glass door. Pausing for a second, I realized who it was. With a sigh, I reached out and unlocked the door and opened it.
“About damn time,” he exclaimed as he entered my kitchen, “You got to help me!”
“Jack, relax. Have a seat and tell me what’s so damn urgent at 2 in the morning.”
Jack looked wildly around the kitchen and rushed to the opening to my living room to take a peek. “You are alone, aren’t you?”
I sighed and nodded. Again, I gestured for Jack to take a seat. He looked around the kitchen a bit more and then scurried to the chair muttering, “Can’t be too sure they aren’t watching.”
Here we go again I thought. I went over and started making coffee as I knew it would be a long night. This wasn’t the first time Jack had come over with his wild conspiracy theories, though it had been almost a year since the last time I had seen him. He was quickly becoming the bane of my existence. I rued the day I had ever befriended him.
“So who is watching?”
“CIA, FBI, NSA, DHS, FDA, FTC, and any number of other three letter agencies. I haven’t figured out all of them yet, but I will, I will…”
“Wait, FDA? The Food and Drug Administration? Why would they be watching you?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know, but ever since that time at Applebee’s when I drank their water and next thing you know I found myself in a field outside of town missing my pants, I’ve suspected they are drugging me. Don’t trust anybody, I’m telling you, don’t trust a soul.”
I carefully looked at Jack. He hadn’t changed his filthy clothes in what looked like weeks. I doubt his hair had ever seen a brush or comb and his beard was wildly tangled. He sat there wringing his hands with his eyes shifting constantly looking around. It was easy to see him as a crazy, deranged, homeless person, but I knew he had a house. He had definitely deteriorated since the last time I had talked to him.
“But, but, but, this time, this time,” his voice rose, “I’ve got them, yes sirree, I’ve got them, I’ve got them by the short and curly’s this time. They won’t be doing any more mind control stuff with me ever again.”
“Really?”, I said as I brought my coffee mug to the table and sat down across from Jack.
“Yep, yes, si, ja and every other way you can say it. I’ve got them. I discovered my house is wired to the hilt with camera’s and microphones. But, but, but, I was smart. I didn’t let on that I knew I was being watched. Instead I hacked them, I hacked them all. I’ve got proof now. No more can people say that Jack is a nut. I’ve got proof!”
This was not good, it seemed that Jack had completely gone off the rails. I thought about calling 911, but realized that in his state, he might do something completely crazy. Better to let him talk it out and maybe calm down enough to send him back home.
“Jack, that sounds great. Can you show me this proof,” I said in my most calm voice.
“Nope, no, nada, can’t trust anyone. Don’t trust a soul. I’ve got the proof on a flash drive and no one is getting it from me.” He stopped shifting his eyes and looked directly at me for the first time since entering my kitchen. “I’m pretty smart, I am. I devised a container for the flash drive and swallowed it. Yep, they ain’t getting it from me without a fight.”
This was bad news indeed. I reached into my robe pocket and withdrew my taser gun. Pointing it directly at Jack’s chest, I pulled the trigger and two wires with a prong on them shot out and embedded themselves into his chest. Jack looked down in surprise as I pulled the second trigger sending 10,000 volts into him. His chest arced and he fell over onto the floor twitching uncontrollably. I could see that it had caused him to pass out.
I got up and went and opened my silverware drawer. I lifted the tray up and out and picked up my secure cellphone along with a hypodermic needle all primed. Flipping open the cellphone, I immediately said, “This is Snowdog Three. I need a disposal unit at my location to perform a stomach autopsy of subject Two Charlie X-Ray Delta. Also need a scrub team at his residence. Stat!”
I walked over and crouched beside Jack. His eyes started fluttering and I knew he would awaken soon. I inserted the needle into his neck and his eyes popped open.
I sighed as I pressed the plunger and said, “Jack, you should have followed your own advice. Don’t trust anyone.”